Fairfarren My Dear
by from-Wonderland-to-Underland
Summary: During a final farewell Alice admits to Tarrant that she does indeed love him, but still has to leave. Weeks later Alice receives a proposal she cannot accept. Her thoughts seem to be filled with nothing but Tarrant and she decides that she has to go back to him for it's the only way she will ever be happy. Absolem just happens to be there to lead that way.
1. Fairfarren My Dear

"Fairfarren Alice," Hatter whispered to the grey sky as the last trace of Underland's champion disappeared in a shimmering cloud of smoke. Everyone would surely miss their beloved champion, but none as much as he. Alice was much more than a Champion to him, she was brave, beautiful, witty, kind, mad, and mostly his Alice. And his Alice was gone. Even with her parting promise to return one day, there was no guarantee that her promise would ever come to light. The last of the victory cheers faded and remaining chess soldiers and all of the Red Queen's remaining Card guards began their journey back to Marmoreal. Eventually all that remained were Alice's close friends. They had all felt the loss of their dear friend but even they could see how hard this would be on their beloved hatter.

"Tarrant..." Mirana called gently. Tarrant turned, his face blank of all emotion though his eyes gave him away. The usual emerald green was replaced by a rather depressing grayish blue. Mirana's heart broke at seeing her friend so upset. Silence ensued and it soon became obvious that Tarrant would not utter a word to anyone. For a moment and only for a fleeting moment, Tarrant smiled his gaped toothed grin at where Alice had stood but soon resumed his blank demeanor.

"Tarrant, please. I know this may hurt but I assure you, you are not the only one who will feel this pain. Let us help you." The Queen's plea seemed to fall on deaf ears as the Hatter turned to face everyone, a sad smile on his normally cheery face.

"Majesty, your hurt is much different than mine. None of you can imagine the pain, that agony, torment, torture, hu-"

Mally jumped down from her perch on Bayard's head and promptly drove her sword into Tarrant's foot, "Ow! Thank you, I'm fine." Tarrant squeaked. The relief that followed was almost tangible. Mirana beckoned for Tarrant to ride the Bandersnatch. Seeing as he could not refuse his Queen, Tarrant climbed upon the back of the beast and made his way back to Marmoreal. Underland was safe. The Red Queen and the Knave of Hearts were gone and the Jabberwocky was dead, but Alice was also gone. To Tarrant the world was a little less colorful without his Alice.

~2 years later after saving Underland once again~

The mirror appeared before Alice and Tarrant knew that he would be losing the thing he held most dear once again. He had gained a family but he would lose his lady love, though Alice would never know how much he cared for her. "Hatter? I fear I may never see you agian," Alice whispered the fear evident in her voice. Tears began to fall from her beautiful blue eyes and Tarrant's heart broke. He took her hand in his and lead her to stand before the mirror. Her small hand was warm in his. it felt so right that it hurt. How it would kill him to let her go again. Gently, he pulled her to a stop just before the mirror and before he could stop himself, he pulled his Alice into his embrace like he had wanted to do countless times before. Tarrant let his hand cradle the back of her head while the other wrapped around her waist. Alice nestled herself against him quietly let out a tiny sob. Tarrant had to bite his lip to stop himself from whispering sweet nothings to her in hopes of comfort. Finally, they broke away from each other albeit reluctantly. They locked eyes for a moment and Tarrant took his chance to whisper his goodbye, "In the garden of memory, in the palace of dreams...That is where you and I shall meet, dear Alice. Fairfarren, my Alice." Alice looked at him in a way he would have never expected. She looked at him with undeniable love.

"Fairfarren my friends, my father always told me to think of six impossible things before breakfast but saying goodbye to you all is far more impossible than anything I could ever imagine, especially you Tarrant Hightopp." Tarrant had to blink back his tears. Alice had done him a great service two times before and now she had done it again. In her own way she had told him that she loved him and had never once dreamed that she would ever have to say goodbye. To everyone else in the room it had been a heartfelt farewell from the best of friends, but to them it was lovers saying goodbye for what would hopefully be that last time.

Each of Alice's came up to say their own goodbye. Chessur with his smile, the Tweedles with their habit of sentence finishing, Mally and Bayard bowing their heads nobly, Thackery shouting something about being late for tea, McTwip saying to try not to be late and even Mirana with her graceful way's gave into her emotions and gave Alice a fierce hug reminding that she would always be welcome in her court and Underland. With one final glance behind her Alice stepped through the looking glass and vanished.

"Fairfarren, my love." whispered Tarrant to the mirror. Though his sadness would soon overtake him, Tarrant knew that his Alice would be back one day. She always came back.

The smell of the sea had been Alice's only comfort these last few weeks since her return from Underland. The harsh winds and responsibility of being a captain had kept her mind off of her wayward adventures in Underland with all her friends and... Tarrant. Oh, how she missed him. Each day was a trial for her. The need to run into the Ascot's garden and jump down the rabbit hole or disappear through the looking glass. To run back to him. Alice groaned and rubbed her temples. Tarrant Hightopp, had reeked havoc on her thoughts and dreams ever since she stepped back into London. _In the garden of memory and the palace of dreams...that is where you and I shall meet, dear Alice._ His words rang through her mind and how true they were. There wasn't a day that she didn't think of Tarrant, nor a night she didn't dream that he was standing there with his arms wide open calling her home to him and every night she said the same thing, "It's just a dream..."

"What's just a dream?" A voice mused from behind her. Alice let out a yelp and whipped around to face the person that had disturbed her thoughts. John Harcourt smiled sheepishly at her as if to apologize. He had joined her after putting Hamish down for being a selfish bastard. Alice smiled back though it didn't reach her eyes. The wind blew her golden curls about her face in a gentle manner, Alice turned her face to the wind letting it blow her hair back into place.

"Nothing Harcourt, at least nothing you should concern yourself with." Though it may have sounded cold to John, Alice had meant nothing by it, in fact to her it sounded as if she had finally admitted her defeat. Silence hung between the two young people the sound of waves filling the ever growing gap. After what seemed like a long while, Mr. Harcourt cleared his throat. When Alice did nothing he took it as his signal to continue.

"Alice... Your mother has asked me to speak to you about a certain matter regarding yours and the companies future. You see...well, allow me to be blunt?" Alice simply nodded her head already having an idea of what was to come. John nodded and continued, " Well, your mother has asked me to ask for your hand in marriage. And before you can say anything I just want you to know this was not my idea, though I am fairly pleased that it has come to light." James folded his arms behind his back and rocked onto his heels. Alice looked at him and then the sea, then back at him. Hysterical laughter bubbled from her lips and soon Alice found herself unable to breath.

"John, as sure as I am that this was my mother's idea, I know and as you have even made clear to me that you are more than please with the prospect of being my husband but as you should have expected, I will not marry you." Alice was finally able to chock out after she was able to calm herself. Once more the silence began evident besides the sound of sailors working and waves slapping the sides of the _Wonder._ The skies were beginning to grey with the expectation of rain later on, but lucky for them, they will have made port by then. Just then a sailor called out that they were close to the docks and Alice took great comfort knowing that she would be able to see her dear sister and niece again. She would have to take care of her mother and her hair brained ideas first.

"Mother. We need to talk." the captains quarters were tidy as was her mother's request. Tea cups and such were still sitting on the small table at the left side of the room where Alice and her mother had taken tea earlier. Her mother was perched on the edge of the bed they shared working on her needle point. "Mother please!" Alice took a few long strides across the room. Helen looked up at her seemingly agitated daughter easily guessing the source. John Harcourt.

"My dear, what troubles you?" feigning ignorance would only do the trick for so long. The sound of boots tapping the wooden floors was the only thing t be heard for a while before Alice spoke up.

"John. Why would you tell that foolish boy to propose," Alice tried in vain to keep the chill out of her voice. Helen thought for a moment before stating quiet matter of factly " Because my dear, you need a husband even if you don't love them. People will begin to talk." A sudden thought occurred to Alice. She did love someone, so much that it hurt her. He had asked her not to leave but she had. She had left him all on his own. Alice had to go back to him. Alice looked at her mother tears beginning to come to her eyes.

"But Mother, I do love someone and I left him. I need to go back to Tarrant." Alice rushed for the door not totally sure where she was going but her feet kept going. Her mother called after her demanding to know who this Tarrant man was. Soon Alice found herself next to the wheel. A small blue butterfly lingered just above it before flying over the railing of the ship and into the waves below. "Absolem." Alice breathed. With a running start Alice dove over the edge into the waves. The last thing she heard was her mothers frantic cries.


	2. Hardly a Start To Imagine

Spots of light faded in and out of Alice's vision. Voices she couldn't quiet place argued whether or not they should do one thing or another.

"We should bring her Marmoreal! The Queen will want to know she is here!" Someone urged while tapping their foot hurriedly as if to emphasize their point. Someone else gave a harsh laugh and the tapping stopped for a moment.

"Oh yes, wonderful idea, but need I remind you that Tarrant might not take so kindly to Alice being there? After all she is the reason he is the way he is!" A rather smug sounding voice purred. Murmurs of agreement followed. Tarrant. Why had they mentioned him? Why was it her fault that he was the way he was? What had she done? As all these questions swirled around in her head, the other's continued to argue about what to do. Soon enough Alice became aware of how sore she was and how much her head was beginning to pound. Alice tried to pick herself up but found that she couldn't move. An involuntary groan escaped her lips and instantly the voices stopped. Arms moved to help her sit up. Once she was seated upright someone put water to her lips. Alice was able to take a small sip but nothing more. Slowly, Alice opened her eyes. They were on a beach cover in white sand. The water was crystal clear. Every bit of plant life was healthy and alive. If there was such a place as paradise, this was certainly it. The people around her however, were a sight for sore eyes. McTwisp, Chessur, Thackery, Mallyumkin, the Tweedles, Bayard and Absolem were gathered around with faces full of concern. A strangled cry tore from Alice's throat at the sight of friends she thought she would never see again. She looked at them for the answer to a question her voice was not able to ask.

"We are on the shores of the Hangil Sea. It isn't far from Marmoreal, which is exactly where you need to be," Chessur confirmed giving everyone a pointed look. So, they had agreed to bring her to the Queen. All Alice wanted was to see Tarrant but first she needed to talk to Mirana. Alice forced herself to he feet albeit a little unsteady at first. Tarrant needed her and she refused to stand by.

"Which way to Marmoreal?" Alice managed to croak. Though the group was happy Alice was back they were not pleased about what events would surely go down when Alice stepped foot into the gates of Marmoreal. The determination in her eyes gave them open, though there was not a lot to go around where the Hatter was concerned.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Tarrant

Three months she had been gone and three months he had suffered. At first it was nothing but a sadness that refused to leave but then it grew until the madness had taken over. When the madness first made itself known, Mirana tried everything she could to put his mind at ease but nothing to help. Then it dawned on her. Alice. Alice was what drove him to this point. Everything that even held the slightest bit of resemblance triggered some dark part of their beloved hatter. Many nights they could hear his desperate calling for Alice. His Alice. Once, while Tarrant was in the throne room he thought he heard Alice's laughter and off to find its' source. He chased it all the way to a window in his workshop. Mirana had barely gotten there in time. Guards had to drag the sobbing hatter away from the window. At first he had refused to leave and began to rage. Things were being thrown and others were broken, all Tarrant had wanted was to jump out that window and to his Alice wherever she may have been. Eventually screams of rage faded into cries of depression and loss. Mirana's heart broke but all she could do was keep her dear friend confined to his rooms behind a large guarded door. Tarrant thought over this as he stared at the door waiting for Alice to walk through like he did every day. One day the fair haired champion would walk through. Sometimes Tarrant swore that Alice was sitting on the plush armchair next to his work station watching him contently. She always wore that godly blue dress that he remembered and loved. She would fiddle with her curls as if she wanted to tell him something. A secret perhaps or maybe a riddle?

"Why is a raven like a writing desk?" Tarrant whispered to no one in particular. Alice would answer his riddle with a simple _I haven't the slightest idea_ and her ever enchanting smile. How he missed that smile. His Alice would come back. But his Alice had left him. His Alice would never do that...'Your Alice is never coming back...She is only a figment of your insanity...Trust no one with her memory.' A voice in the back of his head whispered to him. It was right. Tarrant wrapped his arms around himself...His Alice was gone. Forever.

oooooooooooooooooo

"Alice! Please, wait Tarrant isn't himself! He is totally around the bend. You cannot help him!" Mirana chased behind the furious champion. The white walls of Marmoreal would soon be painted red if someone didn't tell her exactly where the Hatter was. Not even the Queen was going to get in Alice's way.

"No! No Mirana, you couldn't help him! Tarrant is my best friend! I refuse to let him rot in his room because he became to much for you to handle." Alice was beyond furious when she found out exactly what had happened to her beloved Tarrant. This would not stand. The already quiet footsteps behind her came to a halt but Alice paid no mind. She would find Tarrant even if it took her all day. After a few turn around's Alice found the Hatter's workshop and knocked on the door. No one answered. Alice looked at the guards posted outside but neither of them moved a muscle. When she moved to open the door they didn't flinch. What was inside brought her to an utter stand still.

What seemed to be once beautiful and colorful creations were torn to shreds and scattered about the floor. A broken tea set littered the small table in the center of the room along with bits of old food. The walls were partially stripped of their once vibrate wallpaper. Pictures were ripped from their frames. Bolts of fabric were let everywhere. The windows...The windows were bored up and the curtains drawn leaving the inside in near total darkness. What Alice saw before her was not something she ever pictured the Hatter she knew and loved living in. This place was hellish and drab. It was devoid of all joy and color. It was depressing and bleak. Her Hatter was none of those things! Tarrant was loud, colorful, cheery, mad and amazing in every way. This wasn't hattery at all. There among it all stood the silhouette of Tarrant. His arms were wrapped around himself as if to keep something in. The little bit of light that filtered in showed he unkempt his red hair had become. His clothes were dull and haphazard compared to his usual attire. He was hardly a shell of himself. Alice felt her heart sink. This wasn't her hatter. Determination swelled up inside her. This was a challenge she refused to back down from.

"Hatter, it's me, Alice." Alice took a deep breath and walked over to Tarrant, resting a hand on his shoulder. Visibly he stiffened and whirled around catching Alice's wrist in his grip. His eyes were deep red with black seeping in. Suddenly Alice missed the deep emerald that she had come to love. Those eyes dragged up and down her body. Alice had changed her clothes before coming to see the Queen. A plain lavender dress was all she wore because stocking and corsets were just like cod fish. Part of her hair was pinned up while the rest flowed down her back.

"Ye are naht mah Ahlice, but ye will do all the same." Quickly, Tarrant dragged Alice through the doors into his sleeping quarters and threw her onto the bed. The rage and sorrow in his voice nearly made Alice freeze. What he believed did not matter. As Tarrant ripped through a pile of cloth, hats and clothes, Alice took the chance to survey her surroundings. This room was cleaner than the last but still cluttered with clothes and various cloth. There was a large dresser near another bored up window and a set of doors the lead out to a balcony but they were locked with a lock that didn't appear to have a key. By the fire place sat a plush arm chair and footrest, and a poker lay discarded on the floor. It was the only thing that would do for any type of weapon for right now. Tarrant was still searching while Alice silently slid off the bed and grabbed the poker. When Alice turned around to creep back onto the bed she came face to face with a raving mad man. In seconds the poker was thrown across the room with great force and Alice found herself pinned against the wall.

"Ye were tryin' ta hurt me weren't ye? Mah Ahlice would never hurt me! Mah Ahlice is gon'!" Spittle flew onto Alice's cheek which she quickly wiped on her sleeve as well as she could manage. She had enough nonsense about her not being Alice.

"I am Alice! Not some bloody figment, nor am I gone! Tarrant! I am right here. Right in front of you...Can you really not tell it's me?" Alice wanted to sound strong but her voice lost its' muchness at the end and what was a confident retort turned into a desperate plea. Tarrant's eyes locked on her nearly weeping blue ones. The colors began to swirl from yellow to orange, orange to red, and red to grey. Angry to hurt, hurt to mad, mad to sad. Each one clear as day. Yet the red prevailed.

"Mah Ahlice is never comin' back." Tarrant whispered to the ground before snapping his head up, "Mah Ahlice left me here ta die!" With that Tarrant gripped Alice's arms and spun her around then shoved her onto the bed once more, but Alice didn't register a single moment of it.

"Left you here to die? No...Tarrant...I could never do that to you. I love you." With a trembling hand Alice reached up to caress his face that was mere inches from her's. Then the eyes went to a muddy green tinged with red. "You're not even wearing the right color...Where is your blue? My Alice always wears blue. My Alice never wears her hair up." Without even waiting for permission, Tarrant undid the pins that held up the rest of Alice's hair, letting it fall in cascades around her face. Tarrant's earlier words had hurt Alice because she knew them to be true but something about the ones he had just uttered sent her over the edge. Tears streaked down her face while small sobs broke away from her trembling lips. Everything hit her like a giant wave. She had done this to him. Tarrant didn't know it was her. She broke him. She sent him around the bend. Tarrant didn't even know how much She loved him. Sh-

"Alice." Alice looked up to see emerald green slowly take over again and a smile beginning to return to Tarrant's wonderful face. A happy giggle burbled from her lips as more tears flowed down her cheeks. Alice threw her arms around Tarrant's neck in a fierce hug making him collapse on top of her. Slowly he managed to hug her back. Their quiet sobs filled the room as their embrace grew tighter. Eventually they released each other. Alice wiped away the tears as she gazed into her love's face. The color was coming back and his eyes were bright. Even his delightful orange hair regained it's bounce. Tarrant placed a single large hand on her cheek, angling it so she looked into his eyes. Deep purple hues were mixing together giving off such a powerful feel, Alice thought she might actually faint. "Alice, Lass I love you with all my heart. Even if you aren't real and I am just that far gone, I want you to know that nothing in this world or yours means more to me than you do." Alice forced herself to bite back her tears so she wouldn't make a bigger fool of herself, yet she found herself doing something a bit more foolish than crying again.

Tarrant's richly colored lips were soft as velvet against hers. She had taken herself and her beloved Hatter by surprise but neither one stopped it, but instead chose to deepen it. Her arms made their way around Tarrant's neck while one of his hands was buried in her hair and one arm wrapped tightly around her waist. Soon enough Alice found her bottom lip being teased by Tarrant's tongue. Who was she to deny him anything? Without hesitation Alice opened her mouth allowing him access. He tasted of tea, which was no surprise to her but more of a thrill. Never before had Alice had such an appreciation for tea. Reluctantly they pulled away only for much needed air. "Did take feel like a figment of your imagination, Hatter? Alice teased letting her hot breath spill over his cheek. Tarrant visibly shutter and drew Alice onto his lap.

"Don't call me that anymore. Call me Tarrant, that is my name after all," it was nothing more than a whisper in her ear, but Alice felt the intimacy in it. Alice gave Tarrant one more passionate kiss before breaking away to say something, but never got the chance as she found herself pinned to the bed by a lusty Hatter. "No ye don't, naht jus' yet." The brogue set flames skittering across her body. Tarrant smiled wickedly, "Ye are mah Ahlice and ah don't in'end ta lose ye again." Tarrant's lip eagerly devored Alice's in a very heated kiss. Bodies were pressed close in attempt to get closer than they already were. Alice let a breathy moan go against the kiss and began to pull at Tarrant's jacket, but he pulled away effectively put an end to their embrace. Alice groaned in protest as she had been enjoying the closeness quite immensely.

"I will not let you do that just yet." Tarrant moved away but remained close enough the finger one of Alice's golden curls, "We are not married or even engaged for that matter. You are an honorable woman. I will not do anything to ruin that. Though lass, ye make it very hard ta stop mahself," Tarrant groaned slipping into his outlandish accent. They both knew it was true, but they were not ashamed. The fire in Alice's belly had yet to calm itself as she stood to go seeing as her work was done. She had fixed her Hatter and now she could rest easy. Yet both of them had yet to see just how far their future together would go, but they were both willing to give it all they had.

ooooooooooooo

A/N: so long chapter i guess? Well this is only the start to their relationship and hardly that of their adventure. I know things seemed a little heated, if you will, but things are going to get a lot more than heated later on. Well review, give ideas, favorite, it's not my decision it's yours so let me know! thank you for reading.


	3. My Alice Wears Blue

Alice stared at Tarrant for a moment trying to take in every detail as if he might fade away at any moment like she had all too many times. She could still recall her last farewell to him. _Fairfarren my friends, my father always told me to think of six impossible things before breakfast but saying goodbye to you all is far more impossible than anything I could ever imagine, especially you Tarrant Hightopp,_ that had been her way of saying I love you after so long of trying to push the feelings away, trying to convince herself that she and Tarrant would always be nothing more than friends, but all she knew was that she had to say it at least once in a way she knew he would understand. When she had stepped through the Looking Glass, Tarrants whispered farewell had reached her ears but Alice had sworn it was just her imagination yet now he sat before her with undeniable love in his eyes. She was so happy it almost brought her to tears.

"Alice, I have missed you so much. Why did you stay away for so long?" Tarrants eyes begged for an answer. How much had he hurt while she was gone? Alice's being gone had pushed him to insanity and that bared down on her painfully. _Never again,_ Alice swore to herself, "I couldn't find away and I was sailing nearly the entirety of my return. Tarrant, I was supposed to be on a three year long voyage this time around. As much as I don't want to tell you this, I was trying to move on and forget you and I was praying you were trying to do the same." Tarrants eyes turned a deep melancholy shade of blue, his face totally falling in despair, "No! Not in a bad way love, oh, Tarrant, I have loved you since my first time coming back to Underland but I was convinced that you didn't love me. I thought we would always be nothing more than friends. I heard what you said when I went through the mirror… I thought I had imagined it." Tears pricked at Alice's eye's recalling the dreadful feeling of her love being unrequited. It had hurt, death would have been better than not being loved by him even if it was as a friend. Blue shifted back to emerald green speckled with lavender. Suddenly, Alice as pulled into a gentle embrace, Tarrant's arms wrapped around her and his face buried in her neck. She hadn't even noticed that she had started to shake until he was hugging her.

Tarrant began to whisper sweet nothings in her ear in attempts to calm her, "Alice, never doubt my love for you Lass. As sure as the sun will rise every morning and set every evening, as long as the White Queen is a pure soul. Nothing, nothing could ever change that. My Alice." His hands gently cradled Alice's face. Alice continued to cry even though her heart was swelling with admiration, her eyes widened in disbelief at Tarrant's sweet words. Tarrant wiped away her tears with his thumbs. Alice reached up and placed one of her hands over his, turning to place a kiss on his palm in a silent thank you. A sweet smile spread across Tarrant's lips and her heart melted once more. A gentle kiss was all Alice needed to be convinced of his feelings. Not sweet words or gestures, just a kiss. A single kiss. Tarrant looked into her eyes once more before chuckling to himself. Alice looked at him suddenly worried that he was only joking with her and that all of this had been a cruel joke of his insanity. She was about to say something but Tarrant placed a finger to her lips ad shook his head.

"Lass, lavender isn't your color. Blue, Alice blue. Come with me, I have something for you. Please promise you won't wear that atrocious color again." Alice couldn't help but laugh and nod her head. Tarrant pulled her off his bed and back into the destroyed workplace. Something was muttered about needing to clean the mess up as he searched the mess for something. Alice took another look around. At first all she saw was hats and different types of cloth and ribbons thrown all about but the longer Alice looked the more she saw. Among everything she saw dresses. Beautiful dresses that varied in different styles and shades of blue. There were men's clothing too and even things that could be for women. Alice picked up on of the dresses closest to her and held it up to examine it. The neckline wasn't cut in the shape Jewel style like the ones she used to have to wear in london, but this one had a V-neck cut about it which was bordered by delicate white lace. The sleeves weren't tight looking or constricting but rather a Bishop style. The skirt was probably floor length with the same white lace at the edge. A simple white sash wrapped around the waist. Alice held the dress against her body. It seemed like it would be a perfect fit.

"Ah ha! I found it!" Tarrant's triumphant outburst drew Alice's attention in his direction to find him holding up a stunning dress. Alice stared for a moment. Tarrant smiled at her and held it out. She reached out a tentative hand. Alice had never owned something as beautiful as this.

"Is this for me?" Alice whispered. Tarrant responded with a kindhearted chuckle and pushed the dress into her arms, the one she had been holding was left abandoned on the floor. He turned Alice to a screen that told her to go change. So that's exactly what she did. A perfect fit. After a moment Alice turned to a full length mirror placed next to the edge of the screen, one look and her breath was taken away. It was her blue, Alice blue. The dress was nearly identical to the one she had wore when she first returned to Underland yet enhanced. The black stitching at the bottom was the same with a white set of sparrows flying in and out between each arch. Alternating white and black roses were just above that with small hints of maroon sewn in to accent it. The neckline was given just a small touch of white lace along with the sleeves but there was an extra row of black lace. Alice let go of the breath she had been holding.

"Tarrant…" It was barely above a whisper but he had heard her nonetheless. Alice stepped out from behind the screen to show him, Tarrants face went totally blank. His eyes flashed a deep amber color slashed with a lilac. The look Tarrant was giving her made her entire body squirm in ways that were new to her. A long moment passed before Tarrant could even start to stutter a single syllable, "Alice, you look...You look amazing. Better than I could have even imagined. You look stunning, amazing, phenomenal, gorgeous, beautiful, st-" Alice silenced Tarrants ramblings with a kiss. At first Tarrant was taken back by the suddenness of it but it didn't take long before he deepened the kiss. Alice wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him back towards the wall. The impact of the wall was all Tarrant had needed to take things a step further. Alice felt Tarrants hands travel down from her hair and neck, down to her waist. In a single swift moment he picked her up and braced them against the wall with his arms. Alice wrapped her legs tightly around his waist and tightened her hold around his neck. Suddenly Tarrant's lips weren't devouring hers anymore but were instead attacking her neck. Gasps of pleasure fluttered from her lips and mixed with the sound of heavy passionate breathing. The sound was intoxicating. The brush of his lips and the bite of his teeth on her skin set her body on fire. Tarrant let out a hiss when Alice dug her nails in while she drug he hands through his wild hair. Alice could feel the edge of her skirt being lifted up and as much as she didn't want to, she had to stop before things got too far gone. With an agitated moan, Alice grabbed Tarrants face and pulled it from where he had be caressing her newly exposed collarbone with his lips and tongue, kissing him deeply before placing both of her hands on his chest and pushing him away with just enough force to get his attention. At first he went back in for another kiss but Alice placed a finger on his lips and a hand on his chest warding him off with a shake of her head. Tarrants eyes flashed an alarming pale yellow and he quickly pulled his hands away, backing away just enough to have an appropriate amount of distance between them, his face downcast.

"Sorry Alice, I didn't mean to take things too far I just got a little carried away." Tarrant looked up at her with powder blue eyes which Alice assumed meant regret. Alice just shook her head and stepped forward to stand in front of him with her hand lightly placed on his chest, "Like you said Tarrant, we aren't married or engaged, and I am an honorable woman as you so adamantly put it earlier. We have to take things slow no matter how much we want to give into our passions and lust. Believe me when I say that I want it. Badly, but we can't." Tarrant leaned down to place his forehead against hers. Nothing but their mixed breathe could be heard in the silence. For a moment it was only them in a perfect little world.

A loud banging sounded from the doors. Alice groaned, she had forgotten all about Mirana and the guards posted just outside the door. A guard called for Alice, asking if she was alright. With a single nod to Tarrant the walked to the door hand in hand. They stopped just short, Alice turned to Tarrant with a deeply concerned look on her face, "Tarrant, are you sure you're ready to face everyone?" Tarrant nodded once smiling sadly as he did so. Without a seconds hesitation Alice threw open the doors with Tarrant following behind her. The shocked faces of their friends greeted them.

Tarrant

After a long torrent of questions and vague answers, Tarrant was able to relax. Mirana had nearly broke down multiple times, if it hadn't been for Alice calming her down Tarrant didn't know what he would have done to help his Queen. He had nearly lost himself a few times and again, Alice was there to save him as she had done so many times before. Alice was his champion and savior. Without her, he wouldn't be who he was today. Hell, Tarrant might not even be alive without Alice. Eventually, Tarrant was released to go back to his chamber when Her Majesty had thought the questioning had become too taxing on him. Alice of course had insisted on walking him back to his chambers. Their goodnight had been quick and ended with a quick kiss, which Tarrant had sorely wanted to be longer. After Alice had left to retire for the night he took to cleaning the mess he had made in his darker hours. Tarrant's thoughts were occupied with images of Alice in his dress pinned up against the wall, gasping in pleasure and raking her fingers through his hair. The strain in his pants became nearly unbearable. Cleaning was the only thing that barely kept his mind off of her. Once the things that were beyond saving were thrown away and bolts of cloth and lace were put in their proper places, Tarrant set to putting away his tools, then the hats and mens clothing he had made. Lastly came the clothes for his beloved Alice. Each one was put together with the proper accessories and then put away in a wardrobe with care. He would give them to her one day. All of them featured her special blue in some way or another. All Tarrant wanted was to see her in the shade of blue for the rest of his days.

At some point during the night Tarrant passed out in his arm chair, when, he didn't know, but he did know that his exhaustion finally caught up with him. When Tarrant woke up the sun had take its' highest place in the sky. Food had been left on his table along with a note. A quick glance told him it was from Alice and that was all he needed to be motivated to set himself on the right path again. Tarrant refused to let the insanity take over him again. As soon as Alice had come back, as soon as she had touched him, he could feel the darkness start to ebb away. Like it was fading almost like a nightmare. For Tarrant it had been just that, a nightmare. Every day and every night he had pined for Alice. Just to see her again or hear her voice would have been enough. Eventually that's what happened. His mind began to show him Alice. Sometimes she was sitting in the chair watching him contently or she was laying on his bed sleeping soundly, like he had imagined her doing so many times before. Other times though, other times Alice came to him as a siren, calling him to the waves below his window or perhaps the blade of one of his precious tools. Too many times he had danced with death and too many times Mirana has thrown him in a cage for his own safety. In the end Tarrant knew it was for the best but he still felt a little bit of betrayal at how easily his friends have given up on him. Then, there was Alice in all her wonder. Tarrant just wished Alice understood how much he loved her for everything she had done for him and everything she would do. Suddenly Tarrant had an idea. A wonderfully, madly, amazing idea.


	4. When Words Fail Us

Tarrant

He watched her from his seat on the bench. Alice strolled easily through the gardens, her attention on the array of flowers laid out before her in their full beauty. To him, Alice stood out against the flowers. Her beauty far surpassed theirs. She was radiant. The way the sun made her hair glow like gold was enchanting. The dress she was dressed in was not one of his but it suited her. Since she had come back, Alice had adopted the courts fashion. Large ball gowns were a favorite of the Queen. Alice's dress was a deep jade green with a rather low cut neckline which exposed far more than he cared for the other men to see. White lace adorned the edges of the neckline,cuffs of the sleeves and hemline. White pearls decorated the bodice with what seemed to be little black diamonds, or perhaps onyx, lining the inner edge of the sleeve cuff just before the lace, the lower edge of the bodice, just above the skirt. The black jewels also appeared in subtle vertical lines on the skirt going from top to bottom. The pearls came from the upper corners and worked their way down, slowly fading out until they met the line of black, cutting them off.

The dress certainly suited Alice but it wasn't Alice. It wasn't what made Alice, Alice. Tarrant wasn't pleased. He didn't want to see her in something like that again. The style maybe but not with all that glitter and glam. He was willing to bet that Alice was wearing a corset with it. Alice detested corsets. The longer Tarrant looked at that thing the more he disliked. This wouldn't do. Tarrant decided right then and the there that this atrocity wouldn't stand. Just when he was about to call to her, he stopped.

Alice was kneeling in front of a rose bush with one of the delicate flowers cupped in her hands. As she bent forward to smell it, delicate curls from what was left hanging down from the bundle on top of her head, fell forward into her face. She bushed them back gently to reveal a smile. And that smile, oh, it took Tarrant's breath away. There was something behind it, something secret. Like there was something she was keeping all the herself and the world could guess and never. It was a precious secret and it was all her's. Just then Alice looked over and saw him staring at her with a look on his face that could only be described as dumbstruck. Then, she smiled even wider. The rose was forgotten and Alice was in front of him in mere seconds.

Tarrant could feel the blush creep up his neck and onto his cheeks. Even after seeing her everyday Alice's beauty still got to him. Those eyes pierced his soul like none before and those lips, dear God, those lips drove him crazy. Alice was crouched in front of him, a lazy smiled played on her lips. As Tarrant looked at her, words seemed to escape him. Not a single coherent sentence came to him. All Tarrant found himself capable of was a few awkward syllables which were nothing but utter nonsense. His blush grew even deeper. Alice was watching him with amused interest. If only she knew the effect that she had on him. So many of his feeling had become so much stronger since she had left him all that time ago, yet, those weren't the only things that had changed. Alice had changed in so many ways but in so many ways she was the same as when she left. Her looks had only gotten better while she was away, not to mention her body. Tarrant had seen that young woman grow into a beautiful lady, a lady with very healthy curves. Perhaps Alice had gotten taller but Tarrant was still taller than her by quite a bit. Though what had changed the most was her personality. Tarrant had watched her ardently since his return to the court. Something was different about the way she carried herself. Her walk was more confident and commanding but she had all the grace and elegance of a Queen. Tarrant didn't know what all Alice had gone through while she was back in her word but he knew something important had happened.

Alice sighed, Tarrant snapped back to focus. She almost looked impatient. Had Alice said something? Something important? Maybe someone needed help and he was too busy daydreaming about her to notice. Oh, maybe he had done something to make her cross with him, but what? Tarrant began to panic. He didn't know what he had done. Maybe he was just overreacting and he was just reading into it. Or maybe not. Then started the scratching in the back of his head. At first it was soft but the more he panicked the more violent the scratching became. If Tarrant didn't leave or find a way to calm down soon, the madness was sure to take him over again. Without warning, Tarrant was on his feet and running for the garden exit. No one could see him like this, Alice couldn't see him like this, Tarrant needed to get to his workshop before things got too far out of his control.

Tarrant didn't know how long it took him or how he even managed it but he locked himself in his dark corner once again. The edges of his vision began to turn red. Dresses and boxes began to distort before his very eyes. Voices and scratching. The walls were melting around him, giving away to nothing but hellish black. The scratching stopped, leaving him alone with the voices. Do it… Run from her again, how we love the thrill of the chase. Scream. Scream for us… your suffering is our song. SCREAM. Do it. Why is a raven like a writing desk? I wonder what Alice sounds like when she screams. Oh, yes, we can make her scream, can't we. We think it'll be a wonderful sound. Just like a bird trapped in a cage. You have her trapped here Tarrant. She's only here because you were too weak to do it. DO IT. Set her free. You're weighing her down. She doesn't love you… You're a freak. An insane freak…

The voices went on and on until he couldn't take it any longer. Tarrant gripped the sides of his head in anguish. They wouldn't stop. On and on and on and on they went. DO IT, Scream. An angry cry wrung itself from his throat. Again and again he screamed in the hopes of drowning out the voices. The louder Tarrant screamed, the louder their howling laughter became. Suddenly sobbing faintly blended with the laughter.

"Alice…"

Alice

The sun shined down kindly in the gardens. Each flower glittered in the light, shining bright with the morning's dew. However, none were as beautiful as the roses. Vibrant red petals, silky to the touch. The color of romance was red, or, at least it was where she came from. Now, now Alice thought the color of love to be lavender. Yes, lavender just like her Hatter's eye when he looked at her. The very thought of Tarrant's eyes on her made her giddy. Her thoughts drifted to a few days before when she has first arrived back in Underland and encountered Tarrant. His eyes had been so many different colors that day. Yet, out of all of them, lavender had stuck with her the most. Alice kneeled down to inspect her rose a little more, bending forward to smell its' sweet aroma. A few locks of her hair feel forward into her face. When the sweet scent of the rose overtook her senses, ALice couldn't help but smile. It reminded her of so much. It reminded her of the days of the past that were spent running through the gardens with her father when he was home from one of his voyages. The first time she came to the dream land and the people whom she had met that had forever marked her life. But the thing that it truly reminded her of deep in her heart was Tarrant. Every time Alice had fund herself back in Underland, Tarrant was her constant. The smile that came to her lips was pure and sweet. It was the most at ease she had ever felt, all because she thought of him. Alice brushed the hair back behind her ear.

There he was. Tarrant was sitting on a bench not too far from where Alice was kneeling by the roses. A blush was coloring his cheeks and he looked utterly dumbstruck. He must have been watching her for a while then. Alice felt her smile widen, of course he was watching you. He loves you. Alice abandoned her rose and quickly made her way over to Tarrant, crouching down in front of him. His eyes never left her, not once. Alice watched in complete amusement as she watched Tarrant try to come up with something to say. The more he stuttered the darker his blush got, though, his eyes were a loving shade of lavender. Alice thought about saying something but couldn't think of anything of interest. Her lips turned down in a small frown when she couldn't think of anything witty to say. A frustrated sigh escaped her. Tarrant who had been sitting nearly stock still suddenly went rigid. Alice rose to her full height, gently placing her hands on his cheeks trying to catch his eye. When she managed it, Alice felt her heart sink. The lavender was gone, dark red tinged with black had replaced it. Only one thing could do that. Madness. The madness was back. Just when Alice was about to call out to him, Tarrant stood and made a mad dash to the gardens exit.

Alice felt her heart pounding in her chest. There was only place Tarrant would have gone. His workshop seemed like it was miles away as she ran through the halls. Silently she was cursing the gown she was shoved into this morning. By request of Mirana, Alice had taken to wearing gowns. She allowed her to wear color as opposed to the pure white that everyone else did. Right now, it was only weighing her down. When Alice finally reached the doors to the workshop it was too late. The doors were locked. Guards had been removed after Tarrant had proved that he could be trusted to behave again. The patrols had passed no more than five minutes ago and the next set wouldn't get this far down the hallway for another half of an hour, but by then who knew what state Tarrant would be in. Would Alice be able to pull him back again? God help her. All Alice knew was that she wasn't going to wait around until the guards came to her.

The rapid sound of the heels hitting the stone floor echoed up and down the hallway. Alice just prayed that she would find help soon. After an eternity of running, the sound of armor clinking greeted her ears. When the guards came into view Alice stopped dead in her tracks and waited. Her body was tense like an animal ready to pounce. When they were almost on top of her, Alice turned back around to the way she came and ran. Confused shouts sounded off behind her but she knew that guards would follow nonetheless. By the time they came upon the workshop, Alice couldn't breathe. One of the guards tried the handle but it wouldn't budge so he reached for the set of keys on his belt but before he could even get the key off the ring a scream came from inside. The scream sounded as if someone was being attacked, like they were fighting for their very life. More soon followed afterwards. Each one sounded less and less human. They were never the same. Some sounded broken and others were violent. But each one broke Alice's heart a little more each time. The guards refused to unlock the doors. They insisted that Tarrant was a danger to everyone in the castle in his current state. Too many people were at risk if he got out of his room. Each time Alice tried to ask that they open the doors they just shook their heads. Eventually they left when ALice stopped asking. They tried to make her go somewhere else but she refused. Alice refused to leave him. Then, when they insisted that Tarrant would hurt her if she went in there, she charged them. An animalistic scream tore from her. Tarrant would never hurt her. The very idea that anyone thought that sent her into a rage. Alice ripped the key from the guard's belt. Before they could stop her, Alice unlocked the door and rushed in, slamming the door behind her. The lock clicked into place. Nothing fazed the Hatter, who stood in the middle of the room. His hands gripped the sides of his head so tightly that his knuckles were a ghastly white color even against his white hands. His screaming never ceased no matter how much she called to him. Nothing got to him. Alice dared not touch him. Even though she knew he would never hurt her, she couldn't risk it for fear of sending him even farther of the edge.

For the first time in her life, Alice realized that words had escaped her. She had nothing to say. Absolutely nothing. It was a horrible feeling. There was nothing she could say.

Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. NOTHING, repeated over and over again in her head. All she could do was watch her Hatter sink further and further. He sounded like he was in so much pain. Alice just wanted to make it stop and take him in her arms and hold him close, and never let him go. Everything began to overtake her. Soon the tears started to come. It seemed as if them would never stop. When she started to sob, Alice couldn't take it anymore. She feel to her knees with her face in her hands and she sobbed. Alice sobbed until it felt like she might choke on her tears. Until she was nearly blue in the face. The tears never stopped but the screaming did. In all her grieve, Alice didn't hear the screaming stop and she nearly missed,

"Alice…"

The tears stopped for all of a moment.


End file.
